Speech by Mary Helsaple for the Women's Foundation 

Growing up I was lead to believe that I could have it all.  Great career, Great relationship & family, and personal satisfaction.  In December I will be 49 years old.  As I look back over the choices and decisions I made it appears that I have almost had it all.  What most do not see are the things I dreamed about, longed for, and gave up, in order to have what I have now.

What is realistic to expect of yourself, your job and others?

Acceptance of limits, both external and internal, a gut level appreciation of compromise.  And mature acceptance of consequences for all our decisions.  And lastly a surrender or appreciation of the clock.

At the age of Three

Maturity changes things and shifts priorities

We learn that the world works best if you are a man with a wife at home, or you work like one.  The work world does not operate from the needs or concerns of women.

Women basically do not like the way business is done in the working world.

Tired of the petty politics, unreasonable workloads, non-holistic expectations, working harder on work can be for many mostly unsatisfying.

Women want work to be more humanitarian.  An environment of mutual respect and recognition and reserve time, without a career penalty for having other pursuits, such as family and an avocation like art, music, or focused study of things that interest us.

We are most often faced with making nothing or all decisions about our futures.  We know it is multifaceted and dimensional. Many of us intuitively strive to find that necessary equilibrium within our lives.

Be very clear about whether it is working because it interests us or that we have to work.   Making this clear distinction can help keep priorities straight.

When professional women complain or discuss these types of broad-spectrum issues they can and are branded as being whiners, or wanting to go back to "Mrs. Cleavers" life. 

Most women are shocked to discover that they do have full responsibility for everything thing in my life. That includes fixing the car to when to have a baby.  I was raised in a generation that knew that this was possible, but my raising lacked the necessary skills to understand this.  My brothers were.  I just took up these responsibilities in my life as they came up.  And because I was raised to be resourceful, and did have friends and family that encouraged me, succeeded very well.

Some days I think, "Everything has changed and nothing has changed"!.  I may have changed some things in the world, but I have not been able to change as much as I think it is necessary in the work culture.  The institutions are much slower to change than we are.

This causes Women & also men to fall into a no win situation.  If you work 8 to 5 and you need to go to visit a doctor, or have a repairmen in to fix an appliance you will still be expected to make your 2:00 planning meeting, and make up the task.  The systems are diametrically opposed to each other.